April 23, 2012


By Inari Deeps Throat


Standing deep in the shadows, I scanned the bog street for ennuienta. She was late again, and the buzzing of nearby fireflies was driving me mad.

A familiar, and rather dazzling, figure emerged from the street signs. “Giants, she had to wear those darned blinking shoes again!” I thought to myself. I quickly teleported to our meeting spot under the bog house.

“Hey Inaree…” her greeting broke off mid sentence as I yanked her behind the supports.

“You’re late!” I whispered angrily.

“Oopsie!” replied ennuienta in a tone that was far from contrite. “Our fox scoop was a runaway success, and the editorial staff just had to celebrate. We had one Hell of a party last night, and you would have loved the bartender. The wine was nasty though, we should have stuck to the cocktails. I recommend the…”

“Are you kidding me? I don’t have time to drink! The hunt is on after the fox fiasco.”

“Oh, stoo… I mean, SB-1 is not happy huh?” asked ennuienta. I nodded gravely, reminding her again to only use pseudonyms when referring to staff. You can never be too paranoid in times like these.

“So, what do you have for me?” ennuientia asked eagerly.

“I didn’t want to risk turning up the heat on myself but I can’t help it. It’s outrageous. You heard about the coming big housing reset right? And staff promised moving boxes? They were not kidding. It’s a box alright, a freaking CARDBOARD BOX. Sheesh. Would you house your crown jewels in a paper box?!”

I clutched my chest in visible distress. The years of pig nibbling have not been kind to me or my cholesterol levels.

“No way!” squeaked ennuienta, “My beautiful cubimal collection in a cardboard box??”

With trembling hands, I pulled the polaroid from my pocket. I whispered “It was the best I could do under the circumstances,” and handed it over to a gleeful ennuienta.

“Word on the street has it that a shell company with the name of Glitch Advanced Moving Service (GAMS) has been incorporated to faciliate this travesty. Don’t quote me on it, but I think the frogs may be behind this.”

I shook my head. “I have said too much already. I’ve got to lie low now, so you won’t hear from me for a while.”

As I typed “/home”, I felt the now all too familiar pre-teleport static in the air, and made a mental note to get better hair spray.

My final words to ennuienta as the light began to engulf me…

“Do what you can to get the word out, will ya? Glitches deserve better than cardboard.”

5 Responses to The MOVING BOX!

  1. Deathlyhorror on April 24, 2012 at 07:19

    Wow,that is insane. All my lovely possessions, into this cardboard box? Oh boy. :O

  2. shelley on April 24, 2012 at 13:03

    but it’s a green solution. we must accept what’s best for ur, not what we think would be best for ourselves!

    • Deathlyhorror on April 26, 2012 at 07:35

      I guess that it is better than the reset!

  3. admin on April 24, 2012 at 13:04

    Shelley, that’s a very good point :)

  4. [...] me she “couldn’t write,” ended up contributing this hilarious article about the moving box. ¬†Working on those “breaking news” articles was the best fun and I’m grateful [...]

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