The Long-Awaited Stoot Interview!

December 6, 2012

By Kip Konner

We’ve all read the various articles on, and interviews with, TS’ head honcho Stewart Butterfield, known to us as stoot barfield. We’ve seen the intelligent, insightful responses and admired the man who led the creation of this little world we call “home.”

A little over three months ago, we here at the ImaginatUr thought it was time that our readers had the chance to get inside stoot’s head a little bit more. I contacted him in-game and he was amenable. I made arrangements to email him my interview questions. And waited for a response.

And I waited. And I poked him. And he said “Soon.” And I waited some more. And Editor-in-Chief ennuienta poked him. And he made promises. And I waited.

With the world ending in a few days, there’s no time left. So, I decided to get my interview or die trying!

Before the most recent Feat (which released Stoot Dolls to all participants), there was only one prototype Stoot Doll, an item that existed in the hands of one lucky and mysterious person. Utilizing my secret agent skills and contacts, however, I managed to get my sticky little fingers on it.

I cracked open my Craftybot and replaced its subpar circuitry with the guts of the Stoot Doll prototype. The prototype Stoot Doll, much like those received by Feat participants, comes with a selection of statements made by stoot, recorded in real life (presumably, by TS staffers). But many of its recordings are different from those found on the now common Stoot Doll. Reader beware!

I sat down with my suddenly surprisingly responsive Stootybot and finally got that interview that we’ve all been waiting for. Enjoy!

Kip: Hi stoot! Thanks for joining me today and letting me ask you some questions.

Stootybot: Whuutever.

Kip: A lot has happened since I last spoke with you in game. The biggest thing is, of course, the announcement that TS is closing Glitch and moving on to other projects. Can you tell me what you hoped would happen with Glitch?

Stootybot: Sswarm-a-tron!

Kip: Obviously, you hoped millions of players would join. Is there anything you wanted to do to improve the game before the decision to close was made?

Stootybot: I wanted to make it bigger! How awesome would that be?!

Kip: Back in the beginning, the game faced a number of challenges. What would the worst be?

Stootybot: Right now people basically can’t play the game because it’s so f***in’ slow.

Kip: That was back in alpha, right?

Stootybot: Whuutever.

Kip: Since the announcement of the closure, I’ve read in the forums about people’s end-game goals. Many write about trying to reach level 60 before Dec. 9, about finishing big projects they’ve started, or about making tributes of one kind or another in-game. What response do you have for all these dreams?

Stootybot: Good luck!

Kip: In my original interview, I asked how your life has changed since you became something of a celebrity. You have stalkers in-game now and interviews with lots of important media outlets. How would you describe your life these days?

Stootybot: It’s f***in’ awesome!

Kip: What about stoot’s dreams? Do you dream of becoming a multi-billionaire like Bill Gates?

Stootybot: It’ll happen some day!

Kip: What do your plans for the future include these days?

Stootybot: Fun-fun-fun-fun! F***in’ love it. Fun-fun. More fun!

Kip: I have an idea for a variant of Glitch that would focus on mobile, with a less-important internet component. What do you think of it? *passes Stootybot a written description*

Stootybot: It’s f***in’ awesome! Good luck!

Kip: Thanks for the feedback. Are you interested in investing in it?

Stootybot: Whuutever.

Kip: You’re kind of surly, aren’t you, Stootybot?

Stootybot: That’s good!

Kip: Good?!

Stootybot: It’s f***in’ awesome!

Kip: Right. Okay. Lots of players are thrilled with the sudden release of so many new items and regions in Glitch with the impending closure. Can you tell me why the sudden out-pouring of new content?

Stootybot: I wanted to make it bigger!

Kip: I suppose that would let people squeeze as much fun out of the game as possible in the last weeks.

Stootybot: Whuutever.

Kip: I’m pretty fed up with your attitude, pal. What would you say to a kick in the metal parts?

Stootybot: Good luck!

Kip: Oh yeah? *kicks Stootybot* What do you think of that?

Stootybot: It’s f***in’ awesome!

Kip: Is it? What about this? *throws himself onto the Craftybot, fists and feet flying*

The interview quickly devolved into me pounding my Craftybot into the floor, destroying it. It’s funny how, even with the Stoot Doll brains in it, the Craftybot still requires abuse.

I hope you enjoyed our little chat with stoot!

 

2 Responses to The Long-Awaited Stoot Interview!

  1. awesome sauce01 on December 6, 2012 at 15:12

    just saying….this is f***in’ awesome!

    i died laughing. thanks kip, and imaginatur staff :)

  2. Patchwork Piggy on December 10, 2012 at 06:42

    ROFL

    I agree, too funny!

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