BREAKING NEWS: Glitch Loses “Transcendental Toast”

August 23, 2012

by ennuienta & Soupie | Glitchen Press – (21st of Bruise, Year 24)

JAZI KAYA, ARANNA (GP)  A revered slice of  toast purportedly showing the image of Cosma has been inexplicably removed from auction.

It all started when Glitchen Duyana* put the relic up for sale on the Auction House to try to earn some currants so she could afford to buy one of the new rare items – a “Highest Quality #1 ‘Imported’ Glitchmas Yeti.”

“You know those yeti dolls go for 3 million currants, can you believe that?” says Duyana.  ”I don’t know what happened to the toast – I just thought I could auction it to get some currants to add to my yeti fund, ya know?”

Now Duyana has noticed that the item no longer appears in the auction listings – there is no record of anyone buying it – and the item has not been returned to her.  ”I’ve been on the lookout for yoga frogs, been checking my mailbox, harassing my butler every few minutes – ‘Is it here yet?  Anything?’”  The answer is always no.

‘I saw the calm blue ocean’

Duyana described how she came across the divine delicacy.

“I was just walking around Rasana and found myself in Jazi Kaya.  You know it’s not very picturesque there in that area of Rasana,” she explained.  ”But I wanted to stop and rest, so I decided to donate some of that Mega Healthy Veggie Juice that the ground mysteriously spits up at me when I garden.  I swear sometimes it’s going to hit me right in the head… but it always lands in my bag.  Anyway, terrible aftertaste.”

Duyana threw her Veggie Juices into the perfectly ordinary Cosma shrine and was befuddled by what came out.** 

“You know how sometimes those ridiculous gameshow tickets pop back out of the shrine?  Well, I thought I got one of those, but the smell….”

Duyana describes how she was overhwhelmed by the smell of cardamom and nutmeg: “I don’t usually carry spices on me, so this particular smell was very noticeable,” she says.   When I searched my bags, I came across a perfectly ordinary piece of toast, and when I turned it over, I was taken aback by how the pattern really resembled Cosma.”

“All of those Giants look kinda goofy, you know, with the eyes and such, but this was really quite eerie in how I instantly intuited that it was Cosma staring back at me.  I felt a sense of peace wash over me.  I saw the calm blue ocean.  And you know how the orb always blabs on and on about how other people aren’t so strange?  Well this time I really felt it.  When you hold this toast, other people aren’t strange at all!”

Duyana wasn’t exactly sure what to do with the toast, so she kept it in her bag, taking it out every once in awhile when she felt the need to see the calm blue ocean (and once, she admits, while strolling through Cebarkul: “some of the Glitchen there are really pretty strange, you know… I just needed a hit of calm to steady my nerves”).

And then the Extremely Rare Items Vendor appeared.***

“You know, I was imagined after the Glitchmas Yeti was given out.  Like way after.  I have always had a special place in my heart for that yeti, but I could never hope to afford one.  So when the #1 Imported Yeti came out… I mean yeah, it’s 3 million currants… but I really wanted it.  So I put the toast up for auction.”

After sleeping on it, Duyana thought better of the decision.  ”I was blinded by the sheer cuteness of the yeti, the availability of it just barely within my grasp” – and realized that the toast, although not as adorable as the yeti, was definitely being of more valuable.  ”I mean, you know… I probably could have traded it for a real Glitchmas Yeti, right?  I’ve never seen another piece of toast like it in this world.  Or any toast, actually, now that I think about it.”****

Duyana frantically went to take the toast off auction, but it was nowhere to be found.  ”I checked – no one had bought it.  I have the same number of currants as before.  It just disappeared!  I can’t believe it’s gone!!  I hope it’s safe…”

“I kind of wonder if maybe one of the smugglers nabbed it,” Duyana cried.

Could this be a new “rare item?”*****  How many will there be?  1,000?  200?  50?  Hard to say at this point, but Duyana did take a good close-up photo of the toast.

“Tell me that’s not Cosma right there.  Go on.  You can’t!  It’s impossible not to see her!”


Cosma toast preserved in cotton balls, as is tradition with this sort of artifact.




*Not an actual player

**Fictional.  No juices produced toast

***This really happened.  Just this sentence.

****There currently as of this posting is no toast in the game

*****Yes, it definitely could be a new rare item!!!  That’s what I’m trying to tell you!!!





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