Dear Beebs

October 22, 2011

An Advice Column for the Modern Glitch
By genbeeb

Dear Beebs,

The other day I found myself thinking about Cosma while meditating, which caused me some unexpected metaphysical concern. Given that I was thinking about Cosma, yet I, myself, am a thought in Cosma’s head, does that set up any weird chain reactions that could cause holes in the universe to open up? Will it cause my strawberry crops to turn into parsnips or transform my butterflies into batterflies?

Yours,
Cosma-cly Confused

This a very good question, Cosma-cly, and I’m glad you asked. What we’re dealing with here is a question of dividing by 0 or inception. I am a devout follower of the Giant Cosma. Without Cosma how would we meditate, levitate, or fight off attacks from the fearsome Rook? I have meditated on Cosma numerous times, and occasionally I have found myself wondering what the Giant Cosma is thinking. The result: nary a crop was transmogrified. Thinking or meditating on Cosma is just a thought inside a thought. You are a creation of Cosma, and anything put inside your mind is her direct will. Fear not, Cosma-cly. Your strawberries will surely stay strawberries.

Dear Beebs,

I need your help. I really, really like a Glitch guy, but I don’t think he knows I’m alive. I’ve given him gifts and talk to him almost every day, but he doesn’t respond. Should I get more aggressive?

Sincerely,
Alone in Alakol

Don’t get too concerned when I say this, but have you considered the possibility that the guy might be a bot? Personally, I condone love in all forms. Love between Glitch and Bot can be a beautiful thing! But be forewarned, it’s a very one-sided relationship. There’s the consistent silence, the constant farming for materials, and the fact that he’s run by a series of numbers and algorithms.

My suggestion, Alone, is to get out there and meet some new Glitchen! You’re in the prime of your level, and there are plenty of cute fellas who will shower you with attention. Why waste your love and affection when it’s not being reciprocated? Put on your best Butterfly Dress, head to the parties, and grab yourself a Flaming Humbaba. With a little confidence those boys will be Squishing in Hell when they catch a glimpse of you. Who knows, if the Glitchy guy you’re digging isn’t a bot, he’ll realize the chance he missed and may just approach you.

Dear Beebs,

Why?

Awaiting Reply,
Eager Eva

Because if the Hamiltonian matrix is computed in any complete basis, eigenvalues and eigenvectors are obtained by diagonalizing the matrix. However, all complete basis sets are infinite, and we need to truncate the basis and still obtain accurate results. These techniques boil down to choosing a truncated basis from which accurate wavefunctions can be constructed. The computational time required to diagonalize a matrix scales as N3, where N is the dimension of the matrix, so it is important to choose the smallest basis possible from which the relevant wavefunctions can be constructed. It is also convenient to choose a basis in which the matrix is sparse and/or the matrix elements are given by simple algebraic expressions because computing matrix elements can be a computational burden.

Hope that helps!

Dear Beebs,

I am finding that I love my piggies more than I love most people I know in RL. Is that a good or bad thing? Should I tell my RL boss about my piggy-love?

Sincerely;
In Hog Heaven

Well, I think we all know that piggies can die from lack of petting, but are they petting you? What I’m getting at is that even though piggies can fill the hole in your tummy they can’t fill the hole in your heart. Loving piggies is no crime in my book, but it’s time to leave the pen and find a real Glitch friend. I would recommend this newly formed group as a starting point: Pig Nibblers United. Share your love of piggies with like minded Glitchen.

Oh, and as for your second question, definitely tell your boss.

Dear Beebs,

This one time… this REALLY BAD THING happened and it made me ever-so-saddies. Can you help? (No-no powder tends to do the trick!)

Yours truly,
Ur Making Me Sad

I hate it when the saddies visit me! What I usually do is take some purp and turn up my favorite music block. (Don’t tell too many people this, but sometimes I dance with my piggies and chickens.) Be careful of taking too much No-No powder. You’ll be even more saddies if you find yourself squishing hell grapes.

Dear Beebs,

I’ve heard that too much work and not enough play makes Jack a dull boy. Is this true?

Regards,
Working At The News Desk Across The Room

I don’t know this Jack guy, but it’s definitely true for me. Why do you think I use your waste paper basket as a basketball hoop?

“She shoots! She. . . . . . almost scores. . . “ Oh, well. I still have this pile of crumpled paper to practice with.

Thus concludes Beebs’ unparalleled wisdom in the matters of heart, piggies, Cosma, and all things Glitch. Keep sending in your questions to beebs.advice@gmail.com for the next issue of The Glitchen ImaginatUr.

Remember, I’m listening. . . . most of the time.

2 Responses to Dear Beebs

  1. Kookaburra on October 22, 2011 at 16:54

    Your advice has changed my life. I will never be the same Glitchen I used to be. Life has meaning now. Beebs – you are a saint. Thank you. Please keep up the good work.

  2. Meso on October 22, 2011 at 21:26

    Crikey–I always thought it was because one can express the Hamiltonian in different coordinate systems in different regions of space, minimizing the non-separable part of the Hamiltonian in each region! I’ll never see anything the same again…

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