Danger in the Deeps

October 22, 2011

By genbeeb & Saralein

A Glitchen wheezes into a handkerchief, gasping between breaths to yell out “TL!” in a raspy voice. The handkerchief, covered in an unsavory sheen of shiny and mucus, is frantically shoved into the pocket of their corduroy jacket as they reach into a toolbox to retrieve a mining pick. The ground nearby shakes violently and a piece of sparkly rock slowly emerges from a widening crevice. Mere seconds pass and the ground lays bare once again, the sparkly mined by the vulturine mass of Glitchen descending from all directions. A Glitchen screams in terror as a nearby pig mutters “So sad! Soooooooo sad!” This is Ajaya Bliss.

Found within the Ilmenskie cavern system heavily laden with sparkly rock, Ajaya Bliss is one of a few popular mines in Ur. Mining within these sub-surface areas is on a large scale, yet victim to lax government regulations. While Glitchen come in droves to these mines with hopes of getting rich quick, many unsuspectingly come to die. Death in the mines is avoidable, but antiquated government regulations detract from the prevention of many common hazards.

The fact is that most modern mining regulations have been instituted unofficially by Glitchen miners, not government Bureaucrocs. For instance, Glitchen have instituted grid systems which allow miners to easily locate mineral resources and reduce the dangers of getting lost or trapped within the mine. However, the most deadly hazards go ignored by Glitchen and Bureaucrocs alike.

Example grid system for Ajaya Bliss. TL – top left or top of ladder, P – platform, B – bottom. Photo by Skwid, edited by Saralein

Lack of Modern Machinery

In this glorious day and age where we have such technology as the fruit changer, the bubble tuner, and the crystalmalizing chamber, why are we still using the ancient pick? Has modern science not improved since the Big Reset? Picks and grinders only serve to further the unhealthy environment by spreading sparkly dust into the air. This dust, when breathed in, attaches itself to the pleura, causing such ailments as Miner’s Pleurisy and Grinder’s Lung. The symptoms of these harrowing diseases include hiccups, rapid drop in mood and energy, extreme cravings for fried noodles, unexplained AFK, slower-ed rate of loading screens, visions of the Giants, itchy elbows, and eventually death. No cure has been discovered.

Miners use outdated pick mining. Photo by Saralein

Buildup of Heavy Gas

Heavy Gas — a byproduct of Gas Plant fossilization within the earth — seeps from the same crevices through which sparkly rocks emerge. Density forces the gas to build up along the floor and platforms of the mine. Undetected and unventilated, Heavy Gas can rise to deadly levels. Detectors are costly and not government mandated, so most Glitchen do not purchase them. Since they are prone to complain when exposed to a large buildup of Heavy Gas, Pigs are used as cheap alternatives to detectors. While inexpensive, this method is fallible and has resulted in numerous deaths.

Moreover, the use of Gas Masks on mining sites to prevent Heavy Gas deaths is government-recommended, but not required. The high currant cost of Gas Masks causes most Glitchen to purchase more aesthetically pleasing substitutes which are not actually in accordance with mining safety.

Pig used to detect heavy gas in Neva Neva fails to save lives. Photo by Saralein

Reckless Behavior

Even veteran Glitchen of the Illmenski Deeps face the fate of squishing in hell eventually, but what about the low level Glitchen? They enter Ajaya Bliss with ideas of mining large amounts of succulent shiny rocks, but have no concept of the dangers that await them in the depths. They jump to and fro with abandon, ignoring the safety of themselves as well as those around them, but who can blame them? Not even a meager danger sign exists to forewarn these poor, ignorant souls.

At this point in time, government Bureaucrocs refuse to acknowledge the growing problems within the mines. Inquirers are pushed into line and given a very high number, which, in all cases thus far, has never been called. There have been several attempts by upper level Glitchen to unionize operations within the mines. However, these attempts have failed due to the high currant costs of modernization and the general carefree attitude of those simply coming to the mines to get rich quick. One can only hope that this dangerous profession is brought into the new era before an unprecedented tragedy occurs.

When confronted with mining issues, Bureaucrocs deflect by moving you into line. Photo by Saralein

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